Today is day 66 of Joshua's life and hospital stay and we have just 40 days left until Christmas! His surgery is 14 days away! Joshua is still weighing right around 11 pounds 4 ounces. The doctors and nutritionists and playing around with adding things to feedings and upping the feedings to try and get him gaining more weight. At least he's not losing weight. But the more weight he gains, the healthier he is and the better his recovery will be after the surgery. So we're hoping we can get him up at least another pound in the next two weeks.
Other than the feedings, he's pretty much not doing anything else new. We're just hanging out until surgery. This weeks been a bit rough. I know we're getting so close now, I know that. But it's been so long that we've been doing this and it's just really starting to wear on me, Steve, Noah and Abby and Joshua too. I'm so tired of all that's involved in being at the hospital everyday and no matter where I'm at, one or two of my kids are not with me. I'm so tired of the 45 minute each way drive. I'm tired of pumping breastmilk. I'm tired of being watched all day long as I just try to care for my son. I'm tired of the Doctors always thinking they know what's best for him and I don't. I'm tired of who are nurse is for the day, being a determining factor of how my day is going to be. I'm tired of annoying nurses (not all are). I'm tired of not seeing my husband except for about 45 minutes at night. I'm tired of getting up so early (I'm not a morning person!). I'm tired of not having "family time". I'm tired of never being able to move my baby beyond the 6 foot by 6 foot square around his crib that the cords and tubes will reach (I'm sure he's tired of that as well. I know he'd love to get out and see more). I'm tired of coming home from the hospital exhausted and still having so much to do. I'm just tired. I've tried so hard to be a "trooper" and keep my mind in a positive attitude, but after awhile it just really wears on you. I know all 5 of us are "tired" of so much. I told our nurse yesterday (one that's really good and we love) that after we get home, I just want all of us (including the dog!) to lay in our bed for like 4 days. It might be crowded, but I just need that constant together time and relaxation right now. I can't wait to tell that hospital goodbye.
Sorry, I needed to keep it real!! It's not all "we can do this" "only 14 more days" "we're almost there". It's rough, I'm not going to lie. But alas, the end is in sight and I know that no matter how hard it is, we are all in God's hands and he is taking care of us. That is the only thing that gets us through this and in one piece. He's using this situation to build us up. We'll be closer and stronger than ever after this. I already feel some of that happening. We've never been a better "team". We're all doing our parts and it's working. And it's bringing us all so much closer to Him. I'm talking/praying to Him all day long. I really want His glory to be seen in our situation and I'm just hoping that is the case.
Well anyway, today Abby and I added our Joshua sticker to the back of the van. It's very rare that I have the car while at home, so since we did today (we have to go to a Birthday party) we added him. I can't wait until those stickers are seen driving through Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia and Florida on our way to Walt Disney World!! Early spring, that's the goal!!
4 comments:
I can't imagine dealing with what you do on a daily basis and the toll it takes on you emotionally, physically, spiritually.... No one expects you to be outwardly strong all of the time. You need to vent and to air your frustrations. You have handled this so amazingly well and are an inspiration to me.
Lots of love and prayers! Oh, and I love the Disney window clings!!
Reading your post made me teary. You are doing everything you can and that has to be draining. I'm glad you are seeing some positive from all of this and I can't wait to see that first family picture of all of you at home!
I love the stickers! We have a set of them and we have 2 cat ones too. haha. We haven't put them on our vehicle yet because we want to make sure the car we put them on we will have for awhile.
I bet it is hard on you all. It's fine to vent and get it all out. I'm sure you are exhausted!
Wow, I am sure that kind of schedule has ot be so hard. The part about the docs not listeing to you has ot be one of the hardest. The few tiems we have had to be at Childrens with Sawyer, we have felt that some. The crazy thing is we were usually right. A mommy just knows sometimes.
May God light your load very soon. I am always willing to help in any single way I can..anything.
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